Just Peachy, Darling: papercuts

Sh*t my kids say

Elowyn: "Mommy, next year...I go to school...and you go to the thrift store."

Emery, "Dad, when I grow up I'm going to be a scientist and invent a potion so I can stay a kid forever!"

Ohlin: "Mommy if I'm good at school in the morning...can I be naughty in the afternoon?"

Elowyn found a sticker (that resembled a price tag) stuck to the bottom of her foot. She peeled it off and said, "Hmmmm, I two dollars...gross."

Ohlin: This dinner tastes like a million butt cheeks!"

Elowyn tried to step on an ant that was running towards her and she fell on her butt. She said, all wide-eyed, "Mama, that ant tried to beat me up!"

Upon seeing the new, 3 story circular element at the County Justice Center being erected, Tavian asked, "is that a Tesla Coil?" Emery responded, "No, that's a giant toilet!"

Ohlin: "Mama, what are those brown guys with bollyballs on their noses, that yiv at the yircus?

me: "ummm, seals?"

Ohlin: "Oh...dem guys eat people?"

Ohlin (picking up the Humpty Dumpty record): "Mom, I love Hump-a-Dump!"

Emery (crying before his first swim lesson): "I'm scared mom, I really don't want to go."

Me: "There is nothing to be scared about. You're going to learn how to swim, play games, meet new friends, and I bet the swim instructor is really pretty."

Emery (immediately stops crying): "How pretty?"

My husband: "You make your own fun in this world"
Emery (age 5): "Dad, that doesn't sound like very much fun."

Tavian: "Mom, did you buy your van at the Lowest Expectation store?"

Tavian to Emery: "Do me a solid and be quiet."

Emery to Tavian: "Do me a solid and stop being a jerk!"

(Ohlin looking guilty) Me: "Ohlin, did you poop your pants?" Ohlin:"No mama, brother did it!"

Tavian:"Why do you bother making fancy, gourmet sauces? Haven't you heard of ketchup?"